She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i think i just lost a toe
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
