we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
