At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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