I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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