Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
