College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
