I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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