Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
NoShamevember. You game?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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