so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
