Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
