Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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