I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
