cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
