Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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