I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
