I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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