That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
