if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
