I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize