why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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