It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
