Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
