Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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