I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
