You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
