Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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