Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
