in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
They are going to name an STD after you.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize