i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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