Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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