He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
