We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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