Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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