Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
false alarm. still invincible.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
