3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
