What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize