How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
