pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My ass is underappreciated
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
