I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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