I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
