I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
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