Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
