I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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