Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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