She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
