I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
