True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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