I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
