I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
