Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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