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she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
there is puke in my bra ... again
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