Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
