It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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