I was born with a shot glass in my hand
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
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