If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
