oh god the rape fog is back!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
