garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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