please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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