your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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