So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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