I need to stop coming to work sober
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
