why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
