turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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