How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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