the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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