based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
