I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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