i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
