you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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