Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
