Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
