We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
