im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
