I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize