I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
