Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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