I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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