I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Randomize
