Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
