She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
