I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
