i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
