she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
