ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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