Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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