she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
