yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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