2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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