I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I want you more than these girls want KFC
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
