Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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