The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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