Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize