Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
