how can u be prego again
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
