the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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