we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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