So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
