I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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